As you might be aware, I took up learning tarot reading sometime this year on a complete whim. I was cleaning out bookcases and I found a tarot deck I had potentially never given much consideration, but it spoke to me. I had, also, recently watched Agatha All Along, so I cannot give complete credit to a deck of cards or the whisperings of the universe, which I am supposed to. Very quickly, yes, I became focused and intrigued by learning how to read tarot and I taught myself using The Little Book of Practical Magic by Sarah Bartlett and the deck I believe an ex-boyfriend bought for me years ago.
I am still relatively new to tarot reading, so I do not expect any of what I am about to spew to be incredibly insightful or revolutionary, but I found myself intrigued to do a reading before the year was out on the impending doom I assume 2025 will be. Of course, like with the cards, I do not intend to think so negatively.
This reading was performed on myself using The Phantomwise Tarot deck by Erin Morgenstern, which is a beautiful, gorgeous deck of cards virtually birthed into existence for me. It is Alice in Wonderland and circus-inspired with a gothic black-and-white touch. I shouldn't find a tarot deck so beautiful and sexy. I performed the Down the Rabbit Hole spread, which requires seven cards to be laid out. The spread is inspired by Alice in Wonderland.
Position 1 - The Fool
The querent’s (in this case, me) current position
The Five of Pentacles
unworthy, lack of control
A time of hardship and rejection, feeling excluded. A sense of something missing. Keep moving despite the cold.
I am lost, uncertain, wanting to figure out my place in the world after a year of only becoming more clouded, more snowed-down. There is immense pressure to perform, to prove myself worthy, and it is incredibly daunting. I don’t see it within myself right now. No one is surprised by a tarot card reading me for filth...it has been a complicated year for me, although what year isn't. If I continue with this notion that I restarted my life in 2020 and I am therefore only about four years old--only a tad unhinged to think-- then I still have a long while to go before I feel more certain in my skin again.
Position 2 - The Rabbit
The short-term goal or situation
The High Priestess
Guardian of secrets and solitude and hidden things. A time to pause and contemplate and understand what it is being sought. To plumb hidden depths and ponder mysteries both new and ancient. Seek first to discover your own enigma of love before trying to reveal that of someone else.
A secret is revealed—is there something I am looking for that can be earned in quick succession, or else in the short-term? Or else, is it time? Do I simply seek out more time to ponder everything, and I will be awarded it in the new year through new perspective and new ways of thinking? Maybe the thing that which I will gain is not tangible, is not physical to touch, but mere knowledge that can guide me forward? I cannot deny The High Priestess’ attachment to “love secrets” but it would feel unworthy to speculate further on everything current—perhaps someone new comes into my life?
Trust your gut.
Position 3 - The Cat
A warning or caution
The Two of Cups
romantic connection, new attraction
beware! a new attraction can be a panic upon the heart.
Balance and happiness. Sharing. Developing partnerships with similar souls. A potential for bonding. A new relationship, platonic or romantic. Kindred spirits.
Be cautioned on how you approach this new connection. You are always determined for understanding, for close, intimate connection, but this is a street you find littered with panic, too. Try not to get inside your head about it. There is the warning: be calm, stay true to yourself, and let the new relationship flourish in a direction you feel most comfortable. You hinder the connection by being too hindered by your thoughts.
Position 4 - The Rabbit Hole
That which is upcoming
The Two of Wands
inspiration, achievement
A time for seeking, yearning, daydreaming, envisioning the future, preparation. Laying plans and envisioning goals. Looking out for new adventures.
The new year will hold progress, which is duly needed. Do not be overwhelmed by the thought that it will all occur at once, or perfectly on schedule, but think positively of the future and the endeavours you will journey upon. This is what you hope for: change, positive change, that will set you on a more ambitious, more deserving path. Hold onto that. Keep believing in yourself.
Position 5 - The Fall
That which is unexpected
The Nine of Cups
physical satisfaction, contentment
Feeling contented and secure in emotions, satisfied and satiated. A time for taking pleasure in accomplishments and enjoying success. A dream fulfilled. Raise a glass and make a wish.
Why is it unexpected for me to be successful? Slightly insulting. But perhaps the true surprise, the true gasp of the accomplishment, is shifting and changing from the same patterns I have been attending to for years of my life, my being? The hope, the potential, to be freed from this job which exhausts me and weighs me down is something unexpected after such an extended period of time there. That is worth raising a glass to. So long as we can accomplish it.
Position 6 - The Underground
That which must be traversed and explored or overcome
The Queen of Cups
understanding, compassionate, intuitive
A person who is supportive and nurturing and protective and kind. Listening to the sea and the songs it sings about dreams and secrets. Intuition and deep emotional understanding.
This positioning confounds me. Suggesting compassion and deep emotional understanding to be something to be traversed and explored is strange, certainly for someone already rather in tune with his emotions. Perhaps this is a card’s positioning I will understand further on, as time caresses me and unwinds itself. For now, I am certain what it means—to explore what secrets the sea has to offer me.
Position 7 - The World
The ultimate outcome or result, the core of the journey
The Knight of Swords
frank, incisive, impatient
A time for being logical and analytical and blunt. Cutting straight to the point, rushing into battle. A person who is self-assured, confident, impetuous, and incisive.
Time to be a better man, handsome. Time to stand up straight and have no fear and do what you ought to do to be your most courageous self yet. This is the goal at the end of the yellow brick road: be more assured in who you are as a person and know what you want from the world, and from life. Be assertive, because life is short and you are losing time being terrified. Maybe you do not know what the hell it is you want, but improving on yourself is always a noble goal. You can be the knight wielding the sword. That much is certain. I am so endlessly proud of you for all that you do for yourself, but this shit fight is not over.
In conclusion, then: there were a handful of Cups suite cards drawn, which is fascinating. The Cups suite is linked to emotion and feeling, and we all know I am obsessively drawn to my surroundings through how deeply emotive of a person I am. The Cups Suite is also linked to water, if that's absolutely anything. The High Priestess stunned me for a moment--and is the only Major Arcana card in the spread. I was not expecting it, or certainly not in the second position. It sounds like mystical bullshit to be flabbergasted by the appearance of a card in a spread, but because I am more aligned to what I can take from the tarot now than when I was first learning, I was taken aback. The Major Arcana are always notable. I pay more attention to them than to the Minor Arcana, and not merely because I understand them better.
I know never to be overwhelmed by what the cards suggest to me, but I know not to treat this completely as a joke. There is insight in what your senses can pull from the deck. Listen, if you can, if you want to, because for me, tarot is about finding a way forward without drowning in the negative.
And currently, reader, I am drowning.
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